TITLE:  Hunger (Part 1 of 1)

AUTHOR:  Leslie Sholly

E-MAIL:  PennySyc@aol.com

DISTRIBUTION:  Spookys, Ephemeral, Xemplary and
Gossamer, yes.  Anywhere else, with my name
and address attached.  And please let me know so I can
feel flattered! :)

SPOILER WARNING:  Hungry

RATING:  PG

CLASSIFICATION:  VRA

KEYWORDS:  MSR

SUMMARY:  Alternate interpretation of "Hungry"

DISCLAIMER:   Chris Carter, 1013, and Fox
own these characters.  I mean no infringement or
disrespect.


***********************
Hunger

by Leslie Sholly
***********************


     I'm so hungry.

     Aching, starving, desirous--all emptiness needing to
be filled.

     This hunger has been a part of me for a long time
now.  At first I ignored it.  Next I denied it.  Then I
suppressed it.

     The hunger is a constant companion.  It consumes
me.  It drives me.  From the moment I wake up I am in
its grip.  I resist its pull valiantly throughout the work
day.  I am weary from the battle by the time I return to
my apartment.  Alone there in the evenings I try to
relax, staving it off with help from my videos and
constant chewing of the contents of the packages that
are my ever-present companions.

     But still it returns, haunting even my dreams.

     Every day, every minute, every second of my life has
become a struggle against my very nature, because the
only thing I want is that which I must not have.

     Guilt accompanies the hunger.  Because I shouldn't
want this.  I shouldn't.  I try to excuse myself.  I am
driven by a biological imperative, I tell myself.  I can't
be something I'm not.  As it becomes more and more
impossible to control my impulses, I try to convince
myself that it would be O.K. to give into them.

     At this very moment, sitting here in this office, with
this pretty, sincere woman whose concern is all for me,
the hunger is rising within me.  The hot blood is
pounding in my ears.  My craving is so strong I'm
almost shaking with the effort to hide it.

     Innocent, she doesn't recognize the danger.  I lick my
lips hungrily.  She's close.  Too close.  It would be so
easy.

     But she's been so good to me.  Unlike anyone else in
years, she cares about me.  I can feel her concern.  She
wants to help me.  She thinks she knows me.  With her
science and her logic she's figured me out.

     Oh, if she only knew what I really am . . .

     What would she say if she could see the real me?
I've disguised myself too well.  Would she recoil from
the man beneath the mask?

     I drink her in with starving eyes and allow myself to
imagine, just for a moment, how she would taste.  Just a
taste--that's all I can dream of because if I let my fantasy
continue I know it will be all over.

     So I picture my open mouth just barely touching that
soft, pale flesh.  Such tenderness--the saltiness, the
sweetness.  I am drowning in desire.

     If only a taste would be enough!  But I know myself
too well.  My passion would devour her as it has others
who were its victims.  My hunger would drain her dry,
consume her, leave only the empty shell of what she
once was.

     Her kindness and care deserve better from me.  And
there is strength enough in me to continue to resist, at
least for today.  So I rise.  I leave the office quickly,
while she watches, confused, concerned.

     She calls after me:  "Mulder, what's wrong?"

     "Nothing, Scully," I say.  "I'm just hungry."  And I
retreat to another evening in my lonely apartment to
watch porno flicks and eat sunflower seeds.

     I've won the battle today.  But one day, I won't.

     Because I'm so hungry.


              THE END

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  Never let it be said that you can't
find a way to make any episode a shipper episode!


Feedback, please to PennySyc@aol.com (Leslie)